Some helpful hints for spammers
The fun part of owning a blog like techwag is that we get to have a great time writing about the things we care about, and we really love it when our customers come back and tell us where we got it right and where we got it wrong.
While we would love it if our customers would actually read what we write, well that is a different matter. What is annoying us though is the amount of poster spam that we have had to go through to get to our actual customers.
If you own 80.93.60.2, with a lot of changing names for that IP address, we have noticed that English seems to be a problem, so here are some helpful hints from the good folks at techwag.
English is a multi-inflected indo European language, and the use of English to sell stuff usually does not mean that you use numbers in words unless you are 3117. A clear concise sentence will go a long way, sentences like “I hav cheezbrug3r” will get blown away because we will think you are barely literate. But here are some more helpful hints just for you.
Cheep is the sound that a bird makes; Cheap implies that the cost is lower than is usual.
No we are not interested in someone who has a system that will let you track dogs, cats, people, loved ones, or children, but thanks for the offer
No, we are not interested in cut-rate hotels in Mozambique at all, no plans on traveling there.
Yes, we are happy with our sex life and the size of our manhood, however, our lady CEO is pretty amused, no she does not need to “make her happy by…”.
We did not enter the European Microsoft Lottery, so really we can’t accept the prize, but thanks for thinking of us
We are really sorry that you are dying of cancer, but thanks for the gift of 5 million dollars though, if you think about it though you could use the 5 million to ease your last days and feed starving children in your own country rather than giving it to us. So we ask that you give it a charity of choice in your own country. Thanks for thinking of us though.
We think that is great that you found 10 million dollars form (insert dictator of choice’s name, or corrupt government officials name) here. We think you should also donate it to charity.
Most of the crew is already in college, although Antigua sounds cool, we need something that will work in the USA. Yes the beach sounds nice, but you are not acreditied
No we are not interested in, link sharing, link farming, sending out e-mails saying how cool we are and why are you not reading us, or how we can “expand our traffic” by various means that would get us black listed so fast it would make our heads swim. We do have some decorum here.
Given those helpful tips, we hope that the quality of our spam will increase, and that we will have more amusement the next time we do this kind of helpful spammer hints. The best part of marketing is that if you know what your customer wants, then it is an easier sale. We hope that this has helped you with your marketing campaign.
Oh I am very 3117!
LOL! I’ll believe it, thanks h4×0r!