Image by .Andy Chang. via FlickrMaybe I am one of those very few who buck the trend, but I still feel no guilt or obligation to friend everyone on every social system that I interact with on line. In reality, I will only friend someone who I have a clue about, have met, or have read for a while on line. The idea of random friending is something that people need to get over, just because I do not friend you does not mean anything, it simply means I do not know you yet, and I am already in information overload.
However mean, cruel, or unnatural that is, I just will not randomly friend anyone, I do not have the time for it, I have to know you first in one form or another. Sometimes I get very lucky and run into some one very cool (thanks Phil) who not only is friended in a day, but also on the road to employment because they brought many very good things to the table in a very short period.
But I found this very funny, because for most of the people I know it just is not true. It might be true for a large subset of people on social systems, but many of the folks I know feel no such guilt and no such angst.
I can only imagine the angst that Jessica Vascellero at the Wall Street Journal inserted into countless minds this evening with her article about the difficulties people are having defining what is and isn’t a “friend” for online social networking purposes. Source: Techcrunch
The issues that this raises are more important than the amusement factor. There are just enough very sick crazy people out there to make your life a living hell. I have no compunction about unfriending anyone who sends me porn links on Facebook or MySpace (which I get a lot for some reason, can’t figure that one out, and yes that includes adult friend finder as porn, especially in a work environment). I will unfriend you if there is an incessant inane banter about your dog, cat, or your drug/drink issues, or how much you are a victim in this life. I will unfriend you in a heartbeat if you start stalking me, or talking smack about me on line or in person. I will unfriend you without hesitation when you talk about my family, mom, wife, children, pets, or lifestyle. The same rules in life apply on line, and while people might be struggling with the concepts, the answer is very clear.
If you would not have them in your house as guests, there is no reason to friend them at all. If you would not want them around your significant other, children, or pets, why would you let them around your reputation?
Tags: facebook, myspace, friending, unfriending, social, stigma, humor, get over it, concepts
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I know how you feel. I have people following me on Twitter, but I don’t follow them. I am only on a few other social networks, but one of the only ones I will accept almost any one as a connection is LinkedIn.
On Plaxo, I can separate the professional from the personal, but not many people are there.
You are welcome Dan! Glad we made a connection. Also, I hope the road to employment is a short one as well! Haha.
I tend to be most liberal friending on Twitter and a little more selective on Facebook. It’s a good thing to let people know your online “rules of engagement” up front. In the “about me” section of my FB profile, I detail my main rule:
NB: I strongly believe the decisions anyone makes regarding his or her personal online presence are PERSONAL decisions. Others have just as much right as I do to follow or unfollow, filter or unfilter, block or unblock — with or without comment, with or without reason, with or without explanation. While I might be disappointed (for about a half second at most) when I see my Twitter follower number go down or lose a friend on Facebook or LiveJournal or MySpace, I just follow the old military adage, FIDO (F*#& it, drive on).
If more people would take this to heart, I think there would be MUCH less drama in the online world.
Dan, great perspective. Whether you subscribe to Guy K’s point of view, yours, or somewhere in between – it really only matters what’s important to you.
I think you hit on that quite effectively here… You aren’t being jerky – you are just being you and provisioning the time you have as you see fit.
I subscribe to more of Vanilla’s methodology. I will not friend anyone I do not know on FB. I use this to stay in touch with people I have actually met in a personal fashion and do not interact with daily. LinkedIn is a very similar concept, but I do use this to network with other business professionals I may have interacted with online as well. Twitter and FriendFeed, for me – is about expanding the conversation. So in that regards, I will be very liberal.
Again, great post, and I appreciate your perspective.